Tuesday, 28 October 2014

Marriage 


Marriage (also called matrimony or wedlock) is a socially or ritually recognized union or legal contract between spouses that establishes rights and obligations between them, between them and their children, and between them and their in-laws.[1] The definition of marriage varies according to different cultures, but it is principally an institution in which interpersonal relationships, usually intimate and sexual, are acknowledged. In some cultures, marriage is recommended or considered to be compulsory before pursuing any sexual activity. 

Individuals may marry for several reasons, including: legal, social, libidinal, emotional, financial, spiritual, and religious.
(the above is taken from Wikipedia)

Marriage and Family are matters of Commitment and Integrity, rather than contract and convenience.(Stephen covey)
What  Marriage is,  basically or fundamentally, requires , to absorb the rigors and ups and downs of relationship , is -- with capital letters is- COMMITMENT, whether it is a arranged marriage or Love marriage. If Commitment is lacking, then , it is as brittle as GLASS. We are committed to our work, to our God ,to parents, to our children, to our siblings, to our friends, sometimes , even to strangers etc., all our life,  mostly, even when everything goes topsy turvy. But, when it comes to – Marriage- I am unable understand , why this same commitment dwindle like the Ice glaciers. In Love marriages, people marry, after a considerable period of courtship and weighing each other , according to their likes and dislikes. Generally, it starts as an innocuous friendship, and if everything is fine, for a considerable period , slowly, it changes to Love and then marriage. But, in an arranged marriages, this advantage is not there. It starts , to say it harshly, with the physical union/love.  It is the union of two souls or spirits, to say. After , that , slowly the bond , strengthens , love grows beyond physicality, and marriages endure. My, question is , why the same commitment is not being shown for keeping marriage live, as it is shown , in other relationships, as mentioned above. We sort out differences with parents, friends, sons, daughters, brothers, sisters, etc., why not with spouses? Many , say , it is because of blood relationships, etc., But in a marriage, you have become one, two souls coming together. It’s not, ONLY,  the physicality of the union. It’s much beyond it.  Only, when you are deeply in love , that continues. Otherwise , it breaks , within 1-2 years. I can’t understand or perceive, how people , after continuing in a marriage for more than 15 or 20 years, go for separation. If there is fundamentally wrong , with any one, the bond should have broken within  a couple of years, not after 15 to 20 years. What happened to the foundation of the relationship of so many years.  Was it so brittle! Were they treading on glass floor , all these years. I think, the Basic nature of the person will be the same , as it was at the time of the marriage.

 And coming to Love, I like what Mr. Scott Peck said in his famous Book—The Road less travelled. I quote: The Desire to love is not itself Love….. Love is an act of Will- namely, , an Intention and an action. Will also implies- Choice. We do not have to love. We choose to love. No Matter, how much we may think, we are loving, if we are in fact not loving, it is because , we have chosen not to love and therefore do not love, despite our good intentions.

For Any, Successful Marriage, any successful family , it takes work. It is not a matter of accident, it is a matter of achievement.(Stephen Covey)
Is it that , there are choices available easily, now, than earlier , the reason for break ups !  In any relationship between two individuals , differences of opinion will be there. That is natural. One has to find ways to sort out or live with it, if they are not so big , that cohabiting is difficult. The thing with this generation is , they have immediate choices as they are all financially independent. Some of them , apply for Divorce at the drop of hat and for silly reasons and have no patience and don’t give a second chance. Ofcourse ,I am not saying that , if two people cannot adjust completely and cohabitate , have to continue in that relationship. But, I am of the opinion, that almost every problem has a solution , if two keep their egos aside and see each other perceptions.                                                  
Lastly a Quote: If it is important to you, you will find a way. If not, you will find an excuse.


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